Birthday Blues
Once a year,the day approaches
where I am faced
with the cold hard reality
of my mortality.
It has become a tradition;
Sit alone in my room,
meditating on all that was
and all that I hope will be.
This year even more so
resembles the grieving
one finds at a funeral.
I guess it is in our nature
to focus more on the losses
than the littany of gains.
"I feel like such an orphan."
"Why must we continue these cycles?"
"Will I ever feel part of a family again?
Healthy? Whole? Supported? Loved?"
These questions infest my mind.
The answers sadden my soul.
But every year,
I hope and I wish
for that liberating moment
when this lone caterpillar
is ready to emerge
in to a brilliant butterfly.
Maybe next year,
I can finally turn these
ever present birthday blues
in to sweet birthday bliss.
February 21, 2010 - NV
posted by Natalie Vartanian @ 10:02 PM
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