Natalie Vartanian's Blog

Boundaries and Breakthrough

This past holiday was one of my darkest times. Yet the saying goes: "It is always darkest before the dawn." I was going through the separation with my family, as well as the loss of a great relationship. Talk about a time to grieve! Fortunately or unfortunately, events in our lives shape who we are either by the sledgehammer approach (forceful and swift) or the sandpaper approach (soft and over time). Yes, these events test us on all levels, but they also push us to stretch beyond our preconceived capabilities.

I believe there are certain basic rights we have as individuals, health and happiness being pretty high up on that list. For me, it was having to establish boundaries with those closest to me that got me to push past my OWN self-imposed boundaries. Being happy and healthy (emotionally) had become my personal mission! It was the act of me deciding what is best for ME and distancing myself from all that is toxic and negative, that got me to where I am now. I surrendered to the fact that I cannot "save" my family and that all it was doing was sinking ME. By establishing a boundary, I gave myself a gift - the freedom and room to be clear which allowed me the luxury to explore what I want for MY future!

As hard as it sounds, even if it is family, if it is causing you to dim your light or suppress your power, then it is time to do something different. I know the reason I "fell" in to some of my past relationships (and allowed them to go on longer than necessary) was because of those lessons I never learned about boundaries from my own family. So here I was ... a crazy woman! The definition of crazy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. All I was doing was repeating the patterns from my youth and even early adolescence, then becoming a victim to my circumstances.

Basically when I decided it was time to STOP the patterns and learn what healthy boundaries are is where my breakthrough began. Yes, the wrecking crew came in and demolished all that was in existence from my past and it hurt, still does. However, I have decided it was needed in order for me to build a new, stronger foundation. Now I get to be in control of the reconstruction and am excited as to the possibilities. I am creating the family I have always wanted with dearest friends, colleagues and new friends. Breaking through the rubble and allowing the dust to settle has provided me with a new perspective: one of limitless possibilities. Life sure is brighter and more fulfilling from this view, even more so because I worked hard to get here!

August 16, 2010 - NV

posted by Natalie Vartanian @ 12:09 PM