Natalie Vartanian's Blog

Walking back from Cobano today after our grocery shopping expedition, I could not help but look around and think how being here is opening up so many possibilities. It’s as if merely taking that step of deciding (stay at home or come live in Costa Rica for 5 weeks), created a bigger, brighter version of the life I want for myself. In voicing that mini-revelation to Sally, I saw how the various decisions in my life have led me here. It’s as if in every instance I was at a fork: dream life or status quo life, though it was not that black and white, or even very clear. A little faith and luck was needed to decide in which direction to put my foot down and go from there. I might as well have rolled the dice literally.

What blew me away today though is how regardless of what I chose in the past, it got me HERE! There are numerous occasions where I felt I made the wrong choice and beat myself up about it for years. Other times, I regretted not taking the action sooner than when I finally did. I wished it were different, better, cooler, funner, more exciting, etc. Yet, it’s almost as if it did not matter at all WHICH one I chose, as long as I started walking. Going down that path led me to the next fork in the road. From there I aimlessly or determinedly walked towards the NEXT fork in the road. Regardless of how or when or why, I kept walking and the events in my life, in the sequence with which they appeared, led me to Costa Rica. Choices being: struggling to stay or leave my relationship, contemplating whether I should move up North to Oakland, wondering if coaching is what I should do as a career, deciding if I should reach out to one of the assistants in my class and get to know her, facing the question of do I leave a place I so enthusiastically came to call home.

Some choices were easy, some not so much. Some choices hurt my heart deeply while others made my heart sing and soar. As I sat near the beach in Montezuma last night, looking up at an almost full moon, I was not thinking about this logically but intuitively it felt right. Being here felt right. These past two days has sunk in that realization for me. Yesterday morning we had run in to the friends we made from a couple of days ago. We hung out at the beach, swam, chatted on as the sun went down then proceeded to a yummy dinner. Our dinner location choice? The tapas restaurant at the main intersection of town as it is the perfect spot to people watch. It seriously is where all the action happens! Our friend Francisco, who’s one of the taxi drivers in the area, joined us at our table and we got to practice our Spanish as we talked about dancing and languages. After dinner, the urge struck to grab a fruity cocktail at Chico’s which easily led to more dancing with the locals, Francisco included! And I’m talking Salsa, Merengue, Cumbia, the legit shit! Today we decided to take it “easy”. It was perfect in its own way. Had tea, did laundry, hung the clothes on the line, wrote, lounged around, walked in to town for groceries, got rides part way, made dinner at home and hung out a bit with our next-door neighbors who got married yesterday. Each day has been as fulfilling as the next. I get as much joy staying here and leisurely going about my day than going on our adventures because it confirms that we actually LIVE here.

I can’t even tell you how long I’ve been talking about, dreaming about, wishing for or lusting after going to live in another country. It still trips me out that it’s happening. My first instinct is to think that it isn’t real, like I haven’t woken up from my dream yet. When I wake up I am going to be in Southern California. When I DO realize I’m really living here, like “Finally, it arrived!” is when all these sparkling new paths open up for me. Why not just travel the whole year? Why not start living like I’ve always wanted to: all over the world? Why wait when there is no better time than now? If you had talked to me even a couple of months ago, this would not have been my train of thought in the least. But I chose to say yes to 5 weeks in Costa Rica and bought that plane ticket. In a very big way, I chose the path of dream life versus status quo. Thank fucking heaven I did! Now it’s your turn … when you’re at your next fork, how will you choose and how boldly will you go forth?