Natalie Vartanian's Blog

Love MY Way ... Part 1 (of 3)

Part one in a three part series about relationships … jump starting them, lessons learned from them and designing them. Apparently love is buzzing in my ear inspiring me to write (and post what I’ve already written). This first post was written about a month ago inspired by a chat my friend and I were having.

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Out of the Box Scary and Love

Just the other day, my friend and I were discussing this amazing project we are looking to undertake. In venting all of the emotions that were coming up around it, the topic of love came up (shocker)! Right away, I began describing what I thought would happen for me and love because of this adventure. Exact transcript of my response below:

“For ME, I think me totally being in my element: gypsy life, larger than life, I am totally going to be in a space to attract the person I want. Like I won't even have a choice, it's going to happen because I'm living my DREAM! …. I know there is someone out there and it's scary to know I am going to open my heart again like the last time but MORE SO! … Yet, I know it will happen because I will be damn good and ready and he is going to LOVE the fact that I'm a gypsy and totally support it, as I travel around the freaking world ha ha ha”

After Sally described her vision of how it would unfold for her, she shared her idea with me “that a little out of the box scariness might be just what I need to help me in love.” I agreed, thought it was brilliant, hence the idea for this blog post was born.

I knew what she said was true. It hit home so strongly for me. When I was doing the homework in my head in regards to this post, I decided to take a little stroll down memory lane. No surprise that what I found was how true that statement was for me at various times. After doing a mental inventory of the last couple of relationships or romantic interactions I was involved in and looking at how they all began, I realized they all had a touch of out of the box scary to get the ball rolling!

My first long-term relationship was with someone I already knew. They had been hovering around me for a while. I actually knew when I met him … I had that fear, the little voice that said “This is going to be someone very important in your life” and then the feeling of “Oh shit, this is big.” I ignored the voices and him pretty much. It wasn’t until I did something that I always wanted to do: go to Spain, with my best friend, for two weeks that I was able to move past the fear part. Talk about out of the box scary … We did not know anyone there and we agreed we did not want to take a tour. So we just booked our airfare, some hotels, came up with a loose itinerary and were all over the country in fourteen days. We were on our own and it was AMAZING! When I came back from this trip was when I saw that person with new eyes and decided to ask him out. I was still buzzing from my experience of stretching myself and conquering the unknown! It was like I was injected with courage and the need to put myself out on a limb.

My next encounter with a boy was when another dear friend of mine and I decided to take a Motorcycle Safety course so that we could get our M-1 license. Another bucket list item that I had wanted to do forever but was scared to go through with. We had a vision of being some bad ass bitches. Finally I bit the bullet and signed up because we decided to do it together. It was nerve-wracking as hell, because all I kept thinking was “But I’ve never ridden a motorcycle before! What if I crash? I’m not going to be able to keep the bike up! Knowing me, I’m going to fall on my ass and look like an idiot!” etc, etc… First day of class though, the only cute guy there gets put in my group and it was OVER. I was one of 4 girls in a class of 25 to 30 guys. Not only did I feel like a bad ass, I acted like one. Motorcycle guy and I hit it off, spent most of our time in class together (did not drop the bike or fall once thank you very much) and had an awesome, fun filled two weeks before I moved out of town.

Which leads me to my last relationship … a few weeks after completing Motorcycle class I moved away from my hometown of Southern California for the first time in my LIFE. It took 30 years but FINALLY I spread my wings and flew away from the nest. Shortly after my move up, not even two weeks afterward, I went up to visit a girlfriend in a city I had never been to before. She introduced me to someone that same day I drove in to town and our connection was instantly apparent. Again, I had just accomplished this thing that was incredibly huge for me. I packed up all of my belongings in a Uhaul truck and drove the six hours to move in with a long time friend of mine (one of only two people I knew in Oakland). The world opened up for me literally. At long last I did what I was always envious of so many other people for: that ability to just pick up and go, live somewhere totally new, barely knowing anyone. I am positive it was that energy of taking big risks that attracted the last person I was with to me like a magnet. He had all of the qualities I was looking for in a person and was a risk taker and adventurer himself. I believe that because I was living my life in accordance to what was important to me, the person I ended up with mirrored so many of those values!

These three incidences were all spawned from this place of stretching, really expanding my boundaries, walking through the fear, and accomplishing these really big and important things for me. They were scary, but in the end, it was more exciting than scary. I see in a tangible way how being out of my element is in fact very much MY element. Pushing through the fear to the excitement was what opened up a world of possibilities in love too. None of those experiences were in the pursuit of love, however they seemed to carve out a path for love to blossom. Not only had I known this on an intuitive level, I saw that I have plenty of evidence to back it up. Thinking of this next year for me, my “bucket list” year, I know a lot of things that I have always wanted to do will be happening in monumental ways. It is going to be an action packed year, full of firsts and plenty of opportunities to experience out of the box scary.

One of those days, when I am out on a limb ready to jump off yet another one of the skinny branches, I am going to turn to my side and see someone there. Since I am going to be living my dreams, I know deep down it will be the person of my dreams sharing that branch with me. My adventurer partner-in-crime will be there not only to cheer me on and encourage me to play big, but to hold my hand so we can jump together.

February 26, 2011 - NV

posted by Natalie Vartanian @ 12:18 AM