Natalie Vartanian's Blog

Retiring the Boxing Gloves and Putting on the Running Shoes

Most of you don’t know this since I’ve kept it on the down low but I am a seasoned boxer in the light heavyweight division. I train regularly and fight matches on and off. Since I’m a natural athlete, I took to the sport fairly quickly. Not to brag (ahem), but there isn’t a bout I haven’t won. I’m really damn good if I do say so myself. However, there is one teensy problem with all of this: I only have one opponent. That main opponent is me. I have participated in this ego-driven game as far back as I can remember. Expectations are set very high and if they are not met, I beat myself up pretty bad. Eventually this leads to feeling guilty for the way I treat myself with the thought that “I should know better”. It’s a vicious cycle and it has got to stop.

The fact that I do this was highlighted in a big way this past week. In my last post I mentioned that I decided to come to Reno to begin working on my book. That was the main part of the agreement for coming here, the other part was that I would help out with whatever projects I could. The latter was definitely happening, but writing the book was almost non-existent. Yes, I created the mind-map and eventually sat down for an interview with Sheryl where she asked me questions about my early childhood. Yet, that was not good enough. I felt super resistant to even beginning any piece of it. I simply did not want to “go there”. Instead of being compassionate with myself or sensitive to the process of excavating some delicate areas in my life, I was impatient, judgmental and harsh. Talk about beating up on someone when they are down. OF COURSE this is hard on me, most of my life growing up was somewhat traumatic and unearthing any of it is bound to send anybody running for the hills. Plus I’ve NEVER written a book before, so how the hell am I supposed to know how any of this goes? I would forget these things and focus on pushing to meet some arbitrary deadline that I was imposing on myself. How that makes any sense, I have no idea!!

It was both Sheryl and Martin saying to me in separate instances, “I see this is still tender for you” and “I see you are struggling” that got ME to see just how much I was neglecting my well being. I get teary even now thinking about how if it were anyone else, my advice would be what I heard from them (“Don’t rush it”, “Take your time”), yet what I told myself was completely different. It’s crazy the things we tell ourselves, whether they are old tapes, new tapes or mixed tapes … the message is usually the same: “You are not good enough!” It’s been a long run in the ring folks, but alas, I feel it is finally time to retire the boxing gloves once and for all.

Obviously since I AM a natural athlete and an endorphin junkie, I decided to trade in the gloves for a shiny new pair of running shoes. Life is a marathon after all, or so they say, and I need all the energy I can get for this race. It’s funny that I have been coming to this realization not only figuratively but also literally. About two years ago I committed to run a half-marathon at some point and began training for it. I didn’t know when that would be exactly but that was the goal. Surprisingly I have been super understanding and patient with myself when it came to the running. No set deadlines or hard-core workouts. I knew I was a beginner and acted like it! I never over-trained and even when I did injure myself (doing lord knows what), I took the time to heal and support my body in repairing itself. So when the opportunity did present itself to run the half-marathon this past May, I knew in my gut I was ready. Did I follow a strict training schedule? Honestly, no. Would I recommend other people do the same? Probably not. However it worked for me since I had been running somewhat regularly for a year and a half and was in great shape physically.

The moral of the story kids: Say no to drugs. I kid. Say yes to drugs. If you want to of course, I'm not trying to peer pressure you or anything. On a serious note though, the way I approached this half-marathon is the way I am choosing to approach my life … slow and steady as opposed to my previous beat up / slave driver tendencies. Plus who wants to go around with a black eye and missing teeth? Or even a broken nose? Call me vain, but I much prefer having my face intact and a killer body to boot any day! Just saying ...

posted by Natalie Vartanian @ 2:39 AM