Sun is Shining
No matter how much I yearn to dwell in my despair,
I see the sun, hidden behind the clouds,
Still shining its rays down to the ground,
Finding the gaps and penetrating through,
A vision worthy of an artist's hand.
Even when completely shrouded,
The sun still illuminates its covers,
Reminding all of its powerful presence.
My eyes of sadness become transformed,
The light shines through to my soul,
And I wish to be those clouds, embracing the sun.
October 31, 2006 - NV
The Disclaimer
“I don’t trust men/women.”
“None of my relationships seem to work out.”
“It takes me a long time to trust someone.”
“It is very hard for me to open up.”
“My work/kids/family comes first.”
“This is who I am, take it or leave it.”
These disclaimers we so readily announce are double-edged swords in disguise. They invite, instead of prevent, the disintegration of a possible relationship. We use them as shields, guarding our hearts from being pierced. To simply let these guards down would be considered dangerous. We attempt to draw someone near, yet ensure their inability to get too close. These disclaimers are contradictions to our actions. We profess our desire to become one, to grow old together, yet protect ourselves from becoming dependant. Fighting another’s preconceived notions, in an effort to prove them wrong, is a heavy burden for any one to bear. Pretty soon we grow weary of the battle and walk away, our hands thrown up in defeat. Mission accomplished: they have fulfilled their prophecy, proving the disclaimer necessary yet again. In light of all this, what is our true purpose for romance? To prepare for war by always keeping our defenses up or gain allies in the pursuit of happiness, love and trust?
October 26, 2006 - NV
My Fickle Friend
Time has become my fickle friend.
When will this grieving ever end?
Moments of happiness fly by so fast,
Yet this consuming sadness seems to last.
Constantly conjuring up and dissecting memories.
Nothing is able to put my mind at ease.
The love once felt replaced by bitterness.
Tears on my cheek now its only caress.
Save me from this crippling pain.
Return me to the time when I felt sane.
Every passing second filled with restlessness.
Blinded not by light, but by the darkness.
October 25, 2006 - NV
Penance
How can we foster love without freedom?
He was not free to truly be with me.
I was not ready to free my heart for him.
We had our own cages and shackles to deal with.
We fought and kicked and screamed;
In the end, we were left broken, battered and bruised.
Yet that glimpse of light and hope,
Outside of our self-made prison walls,
Gave us something to strive for in the future.
Are we learning our lessons while doing our time?
Are we paying the penance for our past mistakes?
Will we resort back to our old ways when faced with those demons?
Maybe we were not prepared for that way of life just yet.
When we have reformed our heart is when we will be released.
Only then can love grow and blossom,
Without restraint, without ties … completely free.
October 24, 2006 - NV
San Elijo
With its gold speckled sand and giant boulders lining the cliff, inviting you to sit and take in the beauty all around you, it's a bit of paradise here. I would get lost watching the gentle waves rolling in and out, daytime or night, the tide reflective of the laid back attitude in San Diego County. After almost two days of wandering the shore, walking along the water, soaking in the smells and the sounds of the ocean, I feel at peace. My head is clearer and my heart is lighter. I feel like the stones of various colors and shapes sprinkled all over the beach, smoothed from the water and the sand, all of their rough edges slowly softened over time. I relate to these stones. The nonsense, conditioning and pretenses surrounding me are all being sanded away gradually. If I open myself up to nature, its effects are that powerful. What will remain in the end is my core; a strong foundation full of passion, dedication and life. Why would I settle for anything less than everything I have always dreamed of? Traveling the world, taking in all of its power and beauty and making it a better place to live...
San Elijo State Beach, CA - October 22, 2006 - NV
The Magic of the Surf
I look out at a sea of black.
Surfers in their wetsuits waiting patiently for the perfect opportunity,
anticipating the next big wave.
What is it they yearn for?
The rush from racing the water?
The high from conquering the wave?
Or is it a more innocent yearning that calls to them?
The ocean's invitation to come play, perhaps?
Maybe wanting to be one with such a powerful force?
The image that comes to mind is that of seals and dolphins with their delicate dance.
There is something about the water that revives all that go near it.
It could be the desire to recall the playful essence we had as children.
Dare I say it?
Could it quite possibly be that we have found our fountain of youth?
For denying its magic would be very foolish indeed.
San Elijo State Beach, CA - October 21, 2006 - NV
The Web
What a tangled web we weave indeed.
For the new thread a lover creates is already interlocking
with the one your father already put in to place.
Pretty soon, we can no longer track
where one ends and one begins
Innocent bystanders begin to get stuck,
falling victim to our confusion and distrust.
How can we save anyone when we cannot even save ourselves?
This has become our home after all,
this mess of doubt, insecurity and deceit.
October 18, 2006 - NV
Love’s Metamorphosis
Love is many things, but one thing it is not is static.
It has a life of its own and wisdom centuries old.
It morphs, changes and evolves through various levels.
It is true that you can never direct the course of love;
For as the caterpillar cannot go back once it becomes a butterfly,
Such is life and such is love.
Once on the path, the only direction to proceed is forward.
Just as some butterflies take years to undergo their metamorphosis,
So do some lovers last a lifetime wrapped ever so tightly in their cocoon.
However if the transformation were to occur
And love transcends from romantic to platonic,
Take comfort in all that you did share and experience.
To discard the memories and emotions invested is the real shame,
Not the end of a connection based solely on the physical.
You may mourn the loss of a lover,
But why not rejoice in the birth of an intimate friendship.
October 17, 2006 - NV
